newt says (3:19 AM):

*you have one of the sexiest little packages i have ever  laid eyes on

I am a package people. A package.

flintheartinc:

(via goldenmoose)

oh my

god

this is one of

the best things I have seen on the internet.

oh

my

god

My friend keenan who is a furry has this on his phone. its so bad. anyways enjoy. her name is marrisa and she lives in BC and is a whore.

Oh but honey, that’s the best part.

I like mine moar.

flintheartinc:

holocaust remembrance day!!!!!

The good wifes guide (In my case homemaker, fuck marriage) 

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed. 
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. 
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. 
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables. 
• During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. 
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet. 
• Be happy to see him. 
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. 
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. 
• Don’t greet him with complaints and problems. 
• Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work. 
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. 
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. 
• Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. 
• A good wife always knows her place.

three names you go by:

1. Liz
2. Sir
3. Elizabeth

three physical things you like about yourself:

1. Legs
2. Eyes
3. hair

three physical things you don’t like about yourself:

1. Feet
2. Nose

three parts of your heritage:

1. British
2. German (Only have the two)

three things that scare you:

1. Ghosts!!!
2. Being alone at night (seriously guys)
3. spiders!!!!1!.

three of your everyday essentials:

1. Caffeine
2. Food
3. Company

three of your favorite bands or musical artists:

1. No music lists

three of your favorite songs (right now): 

1. See above

three physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you:

1. Dark looking, like rugged or looks like they party or do drugs a lot and has to be a brunette
2. pretty eyes!
3. I like tall guys cause I like heels.

three careers you’re considering/ you’ve considered:

1. Porn Star
2. House wife

three places you want to go on vacation:

1. London.
2. Tokyo.
3. Berlin

three ways that you are stereotypically (your gender):

1. I buy ridiculously expensive things way too often
2. All women are whores.
3. I date guys who have lots of money